Top Discipline Tips for Summer Vacation from Author Brenda Nixon

Summer vacation is a time for visiting relatives, taking road trips and seeing new places. It also means changes in routine, strange hours, confined spaces and unfamiliar faces which can add up to discipline issues for your kids. They’re tired, in a strange place, strapped in to the seat of a car or airplane and they just may act out because of that.

Best-selling author, speaker and parenting expert Brenda Nixon shares with Family First her advice for parents to use when they are faced with disciplining while on vacation. Nixon, a mother of two daughters, speaks and writes about all aspects of raising children and has either written or contributed to over 25 books. She also hosts a regular internet radio program called Parents Plate on Toginet radio.
One of the most important things for parents to remember while on vacation, according to Nixon, is that you are the consistent link to their “normal” life and they look to you, even when they are behaving badly, for your reaction.
Discipline is not about yelling at your kids when they are bad – it’s about teaching appropriate behavior and self-control. We, as parents, are the biggest role models for our children and we are “on-stage” 24/7, says Nixon, no matter where your family might be.
Because you are on vacation, there may be situations where the normal method of discipline you use for each child doesn’t quite work. Nixon gives us some advice on how to modify your techniques appropriately.
Acting Out on an Airplane
How would you do time out on an airplane? Nixon says you employ “passive timeout” where you simply ignore the bad behavior (as long as it’s not destructive, of course). You turn away and take your child’s audience away. When it changes, you turn back and reward them with your smile. Remember your child is looking for your reaction and trying for your attention. When you take that away, you extinguish the behavior, she says.
Nixon says a child as young as 7 months can read your facial queues and tell what your mood is so your reaction is very important, even at the earliest ages.
Acting Out in a Restaurant
While eating out isn’t isolated to vacations, you may feel especially under a watchful eye when you are enjoying a meal out with family while visiting. Nixon recommends removing your child from a restaurant when he is acting out, until he calms down and then returning to the situation. Sometimes that new environment can be the trigger.
If you don’t then return to the restaurant, you may have taught your child that acting out means they get to leave when they want to, which isn’t the behavior you are looking to reinforce.
Other Relatives Have Different Rules
Your mom might have been a tough cookie when you were young but maybe she’s a softy in her old age. This can mean her rules are more lax than yours – later bedtime, more free with snacks, etc.
Nixon says when it comes to disciplining around relatives, you have to “pick your battles.”
If your child has an allergy or doesn’t handle sugar well, you must speak up because you can be threatening your child’s health, even if she REALLY wants that non-gluten free blueberry muffin Grandma just made.
But when it comes to a later bedtime or a special treat, you may just need to let it go and remember your child is on vacation too. It’s temporary, just like the trip, and you will go back to normal when you return home.
Children are highly adaptable in learning what they can get away with in certain situations, says Nixon. Once you get home, if your child says “But Grandma let me do it” you can reinforce to your child that that was with Grandma and now you’re back to the rules of your home.
Discipline and Other People’s Kids
When you’re on vacation, you may be around nieces and nephews who’s parents have different rules or who haven’t taught their children the same as you have taught yours.
Nixon says to remember children are still learning socially acceptable behaviors. If a child is doing something to you or your child, it’s fine to say “Please don’t do that,” because you are setting boundaries for them and establishing your personal space.
If they do not listen and their parents aren’t around, it is perfectly acceptable to remove yourself and your child from the situation. It’s an appropriate solution and you are teaching your own child what appropriate behavior is.
General Tips
Nixon says to be mindful of how often you say “don’t”, as in “don’t do that” or “don’t take your shoes off” or “don’t hit your sister.” Instead, turn it around to a more positive directive such as “keep your shoes on, please” or “keep your hands in your lap.” Remember, you want to teach them what the RIGHT behavior is, instead of telling them what the wrong behavior is.
Spanking is similar in that spanking stops the bad behavior (with a another bad behavior, some would argue) but doesn’t teach the correct behavior.
The other mistake parents sometimes make is disciplining all of their kids the same way to be “fair.” Nixon says you are actually being unfair to the children when you try a one-size-fits-all approach to disciplining because not all children react to the each method the same way.
One child may need a little time out, while another may be motivated more if they know they will lose privileges. You can’t expect each kid to react the same, because each kid is different – different age, different temperament. You have to be realistic in your treatment of each individual.
So have fun on vacation – relax and remember: it’s temporary – the car ride, the airplane ride, new faces, new rules. Soon, you’ll be back home, in the routine and with your regular rules.
Please check out Brenda’s biography here and her website www.brendanixon.com has all kinds of resources and information about the books she written and contributed to. She also has a CD called Creative Discipline available only on her website.
You can find her radio show website and archived shows here. Her most recent book is The Birth to Five Book: Confident Childrearing Right from the Start which is full of practical parenting advice for these ages. She also contributed to the just-released Chicken Soup for the Soul: Thanks Dad: 101 Stories of Gratitude, Love and Good Times, which would make a fabulous Father’s Day gift!