Leading by Example – America’s Moms are the True Agents of Change

Do you have a friend who differs from you politically and you just cannot talk to her about certain things? All of us do. Are you unsure how to talk to your kids about big-picture issues? All of us are. Well, the O-Mamas have a solution they call Kitchen Table Talk.

The co-founders of O-Mama.com, Debbie Devine, a divorced Republican mom of 2 kids, and Michelle Tingler, a married Democrat mom with 3 kids, are breaking traditional cocktail party etiquette of no politics, religion, race, etc., to bring these issues literally “to the table.”

“Change begins at home and starts with America’s moms” – Michelle Tingler, O-Mama.com

For Kitchen Table Talk, moms “meet in the middle” to find the common ground. From within today’s current events and issues such as politics, sportsmanship and heroes, moms can look for what the O-Mamas say is the “common sense idiom” within the issue that everyone can agree on. You can watch videos of Devine and Tingler discuss healthcare, guns, drugs, divorce, money and hear how they come to a common ground and find lessons in each.
Unlike media outlets, which are backed by corporations, moms have no other agenda except to raise good kids who are tomorrow’s citizens. There’s no need for “spin” when you are trying to explain fundamental principles to your kids. By finding the middle ground, moms can have a constructive discussion with each other to understand what those idioms are so they can then explain them to their kids.
What started from a 2008 election party to discuss possible candidates (John McCain and Barak Obama had not been picked as the final candidates at the time) and spilled over into an email discussion of the candidates, Devine and Tingler discovered there was a real thirst for discussion from within their group of friends. They also discovered that within each issue is a parenting analogy. And O-Mama.com was born.
Devine tells Family First so many times parents tune out and leave these big issues up to teachers, friends and other parents for their kids to discuss. “Our family is the first community” she says, “Everything can be a teaching moment, from putting your toys away to turning off the tv to name calling.” O-Mama provides conversation starters and talking points for moms so they can teach these lessons constructively.
For example, the Bernie Madoff scandal could be a discussion about why lying is bad – how much it hurt others for Madoff to lie about where he put their money. Then moms can bring that back to their kids to talk about the consequences of lying. In that particular case, he had to go to jail for his lies; that’s a pretty powerful message.
Tingler suggests using quiet times, like bedtime or car rides, for bringing up these issues. These are good times to talk about how your child could have made better decisions and also a great time for moms to hear what on their kid’s mind.
Her example was Proposition 8 when it was being voted on in California. Her kids started competing about counting signs – both for and against the measure. Tingler then found a good time to talk to her kids about what Proposition 8 actually was (besides a bunch of different signs) and where she and her husband stood on the issue. Then it was more meaningful for her kids and she didn’t have to rely on them hearing about it from somewhere else, where the message may not have been what she would want them to hear.
All the rules we teach our kids also apply to moms when discussing these issues – no name calling, respect other’s feelings, listen then speak. Devine says O-Mama has really raised the level of debate and brought about a really constructive dialog. She said one of the most surprising aspects of running the O-Mama site is that the comments sections are very respectful and the mama following is very informed. In very rare cases, she said, have they had to reprimand a commentator. The vast majority of comments move the discussion forward as opposed to devolving. “They think before they type,” she says.
So even with their donkey and elephant icons and red, white and blue color scheme, O-Mama is not a political site at all. It’s all about fundamental principles and a neutral ground to listen, learn and discuss. Tingler says it’s “just a place where we can talk about what scares us, enrages us, inspires us.”
They offer many discussion groups so if you do want to stick to your comfort zone, you can find groups you identify with . Republican moms, Democrat moms, Independent moms, single moms, new moms, grandmoms, Christian moms, gay moms – these are just a few of the many groups they have. An interesting feature of the political discussion groups is a link to take you to the opposing viewpoint so you can see what their discussions are. In reading through the different entries, it is true the opinions expressed are very informed and very respectful. Even comments about Sarah Palin did not elicit anything near what you usually see in discussions about her. Commentators are anonymous so people can speak freely.
Besides the groups, they offer “Hot Button” issues such as war, health, love & marriage, responsibility. In each topic, you’ll find a conversation starter, links to other specialized sites on the topic, current event relevant to the topic, even a children’s book selection to help in your discussions.
For example, on the health page, O-Mama suggests you start the conversation with “An apple a day keeps the doctor away” and talk about that concept. A video of children speaking about being healthy gives you insight into what kids are thinking too.
The site also offers excellent reference materials. For example, you can learn what exactly reconciliation is. It’s pretty safe to say that before the health care debate began last summer, about 99% of the population had no idea that was even an option. So of course moms needed a place to find out what that is. O-Mama is a place to educate yourself and ask questions so you can then explain the issues to your kids with the proper knowledge.
So when your kids overhear the nightly news at dinner time and ask you what is reconciliation or a confirmation hearing or immigration, you can answer with confidence and true knowledge. The change starts with you.

Family First

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