5 Secrets Revealed for Negotiating with Your Kids

Like a good sales person, kids understand very quickly that “no” is an open door for almost everyone. The selling starts then.

As parents, we can incorporate the techniques of top-level negotiators by starting with no. According to coach and trainer Jim Camp, this technique can help get your kids to do their chores, go to bed, play less video games, practice their instrument and much more.

Camp, the author of “NO: The Only Negotiating System You Need for Work and Home” (www.startwithno.com) gives us his 5 secrets of starting with no and getting your kids to do what you want.

Start with NO

Starting out with a “pre-emptive” no can jump ahead of your child’s thinking. Camp give this example: “I have an idea for how you can get ready for school on time and not miss the bus so often from now on. Feel free to say no to my idea. But if you’d like to hear it, I think it might really help things run smoother for you. Are you interested?”

What Can You Control?

When your child senses weakness in your attitude, they will go in for the kill. If you really want your teenager to stay with the family instead of going out with friends, you concentrate on your tone of voice and delivery and asking questions that bring him around to what you want him to do.

No Emotion

Camp recommends making your mind a blank slate and leave your emotions outside the door. Show no fear, expectation, fear or judgement. By staying neutral you will not have to beg, scold or aim to please. Much stronger position for you to be in.

Make ‘Em Spill the Beans

By asking open-ended questions such as “what,” “why” or “how,” you give him or her no choice but to answer. This helps you see what your child thinks about things – what’s the purpose of homework? How does it benefit them? By asking questions, you see how your child feels about study skills, grades, commitments, and finishing assignments.

Walk them into the vision

By helping your child see you solution and the logic behind it to benefit him, he will get it. Maybe he plays video games because he can’t think of anything else to do. By suggesting a live playdate with a friend or giving him 5 ideas of what he loves to do, you help him think of new things.

Camp says many times parents think negotiating is giving in or compromising but it’s really helping teach them how to think through solutions and make decisions.

“Negotiation is all about exploring problems and objectives, working with human nature and learning to come to an agreement based on sound decisions, not emotions,” says Camp.

Learn more about Camp at his website www.startwithno.com.

Marijo Tinlin is the editor in chief of Family First, one of the oldest family-oriented websites on the internet. She is also the author of the new book “How to Raise an American Patriot, Making it Okay for Our Kids to Be Proud to Be American” available at www.raisinganamericanpatriot.com.